The Power of Setting Healthy Boundaries
It is not always easy to set boundaries. How do you tell a friend you’ve known for years that you no longer want to be addressed in a certain way or do certain things? In the best-case scenario, they take whatever you say with a pinch of salt. Worst-case scenario, they entirely disregard your ‘boundaries.’ The bottom line is that it takes hard work to set healthy boundaries, but it’s necessary.
There is so much power that comes with defining your space and communicating the parameters of that space to people around you. In this blog post, you'll learn how to set healthy boundaries and the benefits of setting personal boundaries.
What are healthy boundaries?
There are healthy and unhealthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are guidelines or rules that tell the people around you how you want to be treated. It explicitly states what is acceptable and what is not in their relationship with you. Setting a boundary may be as simple as requesting someone to change their behaviour towards you or something you do to protect yourself. Unhealthy boundaries, on the other hand, are a total disregard for your wants, limits, and desires, as well as those of other people.
I have a simple rule: “No calls after 10 p.m." That is my way of protecting my space and teaching others to respect my time. This allows me to create room to be by myself, unbothered, and at peace.
Examples of healthy boundaries
- Communicate your need for personal space, comfort with touch, and physical needs. For instance, "I am really tired. I need to sit down now." or "I am not a big hugger. I am a handshake person."
- Respect and honour feelings and energy. Know when to share and when not to share emotionally. Limit emotional sharing with people who respond poorly.
- Valuing your own opinions, not compromising personal values, and respecting differing viewpoints are some of the ways you can set healthy boundaries.
- Clearly define what you're willing to share or lend. Set limits on material possessions.
- Manage your online presence and privacy. Set limits on screen time.
The benefits of setting healthy boundaries
Boundaries are only powerful when you implement them and remain unwavering in your resolve. See the power you yield when you set healthy boundaries:
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Time and space to do things that nourish your body, mind, and spirit.
By saying no to things and people you don’t want to be around, you are opening up room to spend more time with yourself and nourishing your body, spirit, and mind with the people and activities you feel emotionally connected to. Creating a space to reflect, be self-conscious, and enjoy a moment of mindfulness is very important for your mental health. Sometimes you need to be by yourself to have these profound moments of introspection. Take a step back; maybe you’ll see who truly values you.
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More compassion
Dr. Brene Brown remarks that people with healthy boundaries are the most compassionate. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean being mean. It is simply saying how you want to be treated. If anything, limitations should inspire kindness and respect for each other. You should be capable of understanding and respecting another person’s boundaries, and you should be compassionate towards them.
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Your needs are met.
There are numerous emotional and physical needs that we spend our lives meeting. Honestly, we are all deserving of having those needs met. By setting boundaries, we can express our need for security, love, compassion, respect, etc., and tell the people we are in relationships or partnerships with how we want those needs met. It can be as simple as pointing out to a colleague you prefer to be addressed by your first name rather than being called by a nickname you don’t like.
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Less anger and resentment
Without proper boundaries, we often find ourselves overspending, overcommitting, and constantly finding ourselves in a situation where we are mistreated. We may even end up doing things that starkly contrast our values. All of this builds anger and resentment for the people around us. But how will they know how to treat you if you don’t make that explicitly clear?
Speak up! Set limits and assert yourself by communicating your needs to the people you contact. So, you don’t have to deal with feelings of anger and resentment. You also feel emotionally and physically protected when you have your boundaries defined.
How to Establish Healthy Boundaries
Being self-aware is necessary for setting healthy boundaries. We must maintain clarity on our expectations of both us and other people, as well as our comfort zones in different circumstances. It takes strong communication skills, assertiveness, and clarity to set healthy boundaries.
As a kind of self-care, setting healthy boundaries means stating your needs and priorities. To establish appropriate limits, follow these three simple steps:
Step 1: Try to be as direct and unambiguous as you can. Keep your voice down.
Step 2: Clearly express your desire or request by stating what you would like instead of what you don't want or like.
Step 3: Embrace whatever discomfort that follows, including regret, humiliation, or guilt.
People who struggle with codependency, have weak boundaries, or are people-pleasers frequently go to the third stage. Adults are occasionally taught by caregivers from their youth, who teach them that it is wrong and self-centered to communicate what they want. However, it is better to confront these feelings than to succumb to manipulation and resentment, which come with not setting healthy boundaries.
Final thoughts…
The most important part of defining our boundaries is communication! Unspoken expectations can ruin friendships, relationships, partnerships, etc. Don’t assume that people know what they have to do. If you need time to be away and by yourself, tell those in your circle that you wouldn’t want to be bothered during a specific time. While our friends may have the emotional intelligence to detect changes in our patterns and moods, it is always better to be communicative about our needs.
