How to Build Long-Lasting Relationships

Sometimes silly mistakes create giant riffs in relationships. When essential relationships fail, there is a ripping up of your heart that feels almost irreparable. Simply put, heartbreak sucks! Whether losing the person you once thought was your soul mate or being on terrible terms with your friends and family, a void comes with losing the people we hold dear.

Below are ten scientifically proven ways of building relationships that last:

 Be honest

Recently, a friend of mine got into a relationship with a significantly older man. And then she remarked that she had lied about her age. She’s 22 but told him she was 23. You may be thinking that’s not a deal. But it could be!

Lies, no matter how small, can significantly affect your relationships. Needless to say, any relationship built on lies will eventually fail. It is best to face the truth head-on than sabotage your relationship in the long run. Be honest with your friends, family members, and partners.

  Use tell culture

Are you hearing about Tell Culture for the first time? Me too! (Just kidding). Tell Culture is a method of communication where you are intentionally honest and open about your thoughts, actions, and feelings with the people you hold dear. Share pieces of information about your life that you feel they’d like to know. By doing this, you can be your most authentic self, and you create a safe space where you can be vulnerable. Tell Culture doesn’t emphasize reciprocity, but it will be a problem if such openness is not reciprocated in the long run. You are responsible for your actions, and they are for theirs.

Remove communication barriers

What are some communication barriers you have built over the years? Please take all of them and throw them out the window. That is the only way honest and open communication can be successful. Pay attention to your barriers, and then find the sweet spot of what works for both you and your partner. Some communication barriers include distractions (e.g. focusing on your cell phone while in a conversation), and also poor listening and conversational skills.

 Practice emotional attunement

Be attuned with your emotions and the emotions of your partner. When you say something, what is the emotion behind it? Are you being sarcastic because you are bitter, or is it harmless? Do the same for your partner. When you listen to them, try to determine the emotions behind the word. Notice if they appear frazzled, frustrated, stressed, or joyful.

Observing your partner’s body language and tone of voice can help you figure out their state of mind. Emotional attunement will allow you to understand where your partner is coming from. As such, you can respond more appropriately. This will lead to a healthier relationship that lasts.

  Check in on your relationships

At your place of work, you most likely have monthly meetings to discuss critical projects, issues, and developments. This doesn’t mean there aren’t any meetings within the month; it is just an intentional attempt to round up the troop and hear everyone out.

It would be best if you had the same setup for your relationships. Check-ins could be bi-monthly, monthly, or quarterly as long as you both make time to hear each other out. You can talk about what you appreciate from the past weeks, what you think you can both work on and how you can improve as a pair. And even by showing gratitude to each other in words, gifts, or any other format. You’d be amazed at the changes this brings.

 Trust

The adage that says “trust no one” doesn’t apply here. For your relationship to work and last long, you have to learn to trust other people. None of the strategies we’ve listed above will be effective if there isn’t some degree of trust between you and the people you love. The great news is that using these strategies builds trust, so it’s a very beneficial cycle.

Randomly evaluate your relationship's level of trust. Observe how much your partners trust you and them. You can build trust by being honest, open, and vulnerable.

 Respect boundaries and privacy

You may disagree, but there are boundaries in relationships that must be respected. You don’t get unlimited access to your partner’s life. Some areas are still “employees only.” Respecting these boundaries and recognizing each other’s right to privacy will help build healthy relationships on a foundation of mutual respect and trust.  While you set your boundaries, be willing to acknowledge the boundaries set by others.

 Have healthy conflicts

Conflicts? Why would anybody want conflicts? I didn’t get it the first time, either. Like most people, I thought a perfect relationship doesn’t have any fights or altercations. There is a difference between having healthy conflicts and borderline abuse. Rather than expecting a fairytale relationship, learn to resolve conflict amicably and healthily. Avoid the blame game and instead create a safe space to talk objectively about your thoughts, actions, and responses to your partner's behaviours.

P.S. If the conflict becomes uncontrollable and violent, please seek help and call the appropriate authorities!

Compromise

Nearly every book on building lasting relationships will tell you something about compromise. As much as today’s society emphasizes individuality, you need to learn to put yourself in the shoes of other people if you are going to have happy and long relationships. The trick is to understand their perspective, feelings, and thoughts while meeting your own needs. No one is perfect, not even you. On the other hand, know what to compromise and what not to. If something affects your core values, continuous compromise won’t be beneficial in the long run.

Don’t always be resistant to change

My aunt told me this, one day when I invited her for breakfast “When I met my husband, he loved omelettes, and now three years later, he can't stand them and prefers eggs fried sunny side up”, she said. 

Thinking of it, I realized that if his meal choice can change, then so his perspectives, beliefs, and actions. The reality is yours can too!

You can’t always fight these changes. As humans, change is constant. Instead, acknowledge and celebrate the changes as they come and keep one eye open for things that you feel may be troubling.

Will I leave my husband because he now prefers fried eggs? No! But I will be weary if I notice narcissistic traits, extreme anger, or violence. Welcome the good and cut out the bad!

Conclusion

Quentin Crisp said, “Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone – but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.” So, while love starts the relationship, it takes a lot more to sustain it. The strategies we have enumerated in this article are some of the pillars that contribute to “the complete structure” and, consequently, a happy, long-lasting relationship.